Comedian Hasan Minhaj’s best jokes from White House Correspondents’ Dinner without President Trump

Comedian Hasan Minhaj makes a face while entertaining the White House Correspondents' Dinner.
Comedian Hasan Minhaj proved that President Trump’s does not have to attend the White House Correspondents’ Dinner to be roasted.The party on Saturday night marched on without the President, his staunchly conservative White House and the event’s celebrity turnout that flourished under former President Barack Obama.

Trump jetted 200 miles to Harrisburg, Pa., to surround himself with cheering supporters at a campaign-style rally, instead of attending the sold-out dinner at the Washington Hilton Hotel.

President Donald Trump spoke at the Pennsylvania Farm Show Complex and Expo Center in Harrisburg instead of attending the WHCA dinner. 

President Donald Trump spoke at the Pennsylvania Farm Show Complex and Expo Center in Harrisburg instead of attending the WHCA dinner.

(CAROLYN KASTER/AP)

Trump returned to the White House just in time for “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” correspondent to step on stage and take aim at his cabinet.

Minhaj, the son of immigrant parents from India, welcomed members of the media as “minorities.”

Here’s the best moments from Minhaj’s standup:

Minhaj recalls false claims that Obama was Muslim

“Who would have thought that with everything going on in the country now, that a Muslim would be standing on this stage, for the 9th year in a row.”

Members of the head table applaud as Hasan Minhaj, a correspondent with "The Daily Show with Trevor Noah," finishes his performance at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner.

Members of the head table applaud as Hasan Minhaj, a correspondent with “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah,” finishes his performance at the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner.

(JONATHAN ERNST/REUTERS)

Minhaj pays tribute to master roaster Don Rickles

“I would say it’s an honor to be here, but that would be an alternative fact. It is not. No one wanted to do this so of course it lands in the hands of an immigrant It’s how it always goes down. No one wanted this gig. No one. Don Rickles died just so you wouldn’t ask him to do this gig. R.I.P. to Don Rickles, the only Donald with skin thick enough to take a joke like that.”

Minhaj flashes some wit on former NYC mayoral candidates

“We all know this administration loves deleting history faster than Anthony Weiner when he hears footsteps.”

Minhaj wonders who’s really running the United States

“The leader of our country is not here, and that’s because he lives in Moscow. It’s a very long flight. It would be hard for Vlad to make it. It’s a Saturday. As for the other guy, I think he’s in Pennsylvania because he can’t take a joke.”

Minhaj announces open season on Trump’s adult children

“For the nine people watching on C-Span, there was also another elephant in the room but Donald Trump Jr. shot it and cut off its tail.”

Minhaj addresses Syria

“Historically, the President usually performs at the correspondents’ dinner, but I think I speak for all of us when I say he’s done far too much bombing this month.”

Minhaj scans the crowd for White House chief strategist Stephen Bannon

“I do — nazi— Steve Bannon.”

Minhaj notes that Vice President Pence also skipped the dinner

“Mike Pence wanted to be here tonight, but his wife wouldn’t let him because one of you ladies is ovulating.”

Minhaj skewers Fox News for employing fired Bill O’Reilly for so long

“You gave him a $25 million severance package, making it the only package that he won’t force a woman to touch.”

Minhaj tells the media to rebuild trust

“We live in a strange time where trust is more important that truth. Supporters of President Trump trust him and I know journalists, you guys, are definitely trying to do good work. I just think that a lot of people don’t trust you right now. Can you blame them? Unlike Anderson Cooper’s bone structure, you guys have been far from perfect. Remember election night? That was your Steve Harvey-Miss University moment. The look on your faces at 11 p.m. on election night — it was like walking into Panera Bread and finding out your teacher has a part-time job there.”

Minhaj gives the media more advice

“In the age of Trump, I know that you guys have to be more perfect than ever. Because you guys are how he gets his news. Not from advisers, not from experts, not from experts or intelligence agencies, you guys. So that’s why you have to be on your a-game. You have to be twice as good. Because if one of you messes up, he blames your entire group. And now you know what it feels like to be a minority.”

Minhaj is just kidding

“By the way, you guys aren’t really minorities. You’re all really white.”

Journalists Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein stand at the head table during the White House Correspondents' Association dinner. 

Journalists Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein stand at the head table during the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner.

(CLIFF OWEN/AP)

Legendary Watergate reporter Bob Woodward slams Trump’s vilification of journalists

“Mr. President, the media is not fake news.”

 

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